We Bring You Obama's 2015 Agenda, Courtesy of the Sony Hack

Photo Courtesy of Author.

I SHALL saunter into my oval office by noon every single day unless I have a golf game or beer summit scheduled.

I SHALL meet with my cabinet members for 15 minutes on the third Thursday of odd numbered months, unless Valerie (Jarrett) won't let me.

I SHALL offer an olive branch to the new Republican Congress so I can whack them with it when they request compromise for their pro-America, pro-economy legislation. (Why would low-income families want 40-hour work weeks when they can just can kick back and enjoy my freebies of food stamps, welfare, and T-shirts?)

Photo Courtesy of Author.

I SHALL designate March as “Jon Gruber Month” to honor him for collapsing Obamacare and guaranteeing achievement of my ultimate goal: single-payer Medicaid coverage for all Americans (except my elite friends).

I SHALL continue to support Al Sharpton's racial extortion of major American corporations. To reward him for staging violent, race-baiting demonstrations, I shall forgive his $4.5 million dollar tax debt.

Photo Courtesy of Author.

I SHALL reward teacher unions and the Department of Dis-Education for maintaining failing schools that dumb down American kids by emphasizing attendance instead of teaching them the "3 R's" . . . readin', rightin’ and ‘rithmatic.

I SHALL allow Texas to secede from the Union. I will appoint Michelle as lifetime ambassador, stationed in her palace on the Rio Grande with a moat and panoramic view of illegals crossing the border.

I SHALL earn my rightful place in history by paying off the national debt when I sell the U.S. Navy to Cuba, the Statue of Liberty to France, and California, Oregon and Washington to China.

Photo Courtesy of Author.

I SHALL give Uncle Vladi Putin (President of Russia) Alaska, which he can see from his winter palace. I'll throw in Idaho, Utah, and Arizona and GITMO if he agrees to capture, torture, and re-educate my political enemies, including Tea Party extremists.

I SHALL incite Cuba and North Korea to join forces to capture Florida. Then I will negotiate a comprehensive surrender and cede all Southern States to the new country of "Baha Kimchee."

I SHALL intensify my phony war against Islamic State by bombing goat paths, small vehicles, and burned out buildings. I will turn a blind eye as Islamic State slaughters Christians and beheads infidels in the process of establishing their Caliphate.

I SHALL vaporize the Israeli cockroaches by forming a covert, nuclear-armed coalition of Iran, Palestine, Hamas and Hezbolah, thereby fulfilling my redistribution goal to level the playing field by providing nukes to terrorists. Suck it up Bibi!

I SHALL appoint myself as President-for-Life of the remaining states with George Soros as Head of the Treasury and Valerie Jarrett as Vice-President (sorry Joe).

I SHALL live happily ever after in the Peoples Socialist Democracy of Amerika.

Photo Courtesy of Author.

THE END

BTW: If you missed my last column, CLICK HERE to read about "Barack, the Energy Bunny of Blessings.”

–

TheBlaze contributor channel supports an open discourse on a range of views. The opinions expressed in this channel are solely those of each individual author.