(Photo: Courtesy of Author)
Obama promised to fundamentally transform America.
And he’s fulfilling his promise... 100%.
The following are recent entries in his “Dear Diary of Accomplishments.”
THE ECONOMY:
Dear Diary. I’m pretty happy about my unemployment numbers. They prove I've saved America from the Bush recession. I gotta remind my pencil-pushers to keep tweaking unemployment reports so they look even better. And mention the ongoing success of my $900 billion stimulus program. Or was it $1 trillion? Can’t remember exactly.
Big problem for my legacy if sleepwalkers figure out that I shrunk the U.S. manufacturing sector and expanded the number of unemployed or underemployed to 92 million people. I gotta tell Nancy (Pelosi) to make sure everybody practices their talkin’ points about the value of workin' only 30 hours a week. Yessiree, hard-workin’ Americans deserve more free time to “find their inner joy,” like takin’ up finger paintin’ or makin’ pots or smokin’ it.
JOBS AND UNEMPLOYMENT:
Dear Diary. I ordered my team at the Center for American Progress to draft additional taxation and regulation programs to encourage corporations to move off shore. Then I can deflect responsibility and decry the “unpatriotic” CEOs who desert their country to avoid paying their fair share of taxes. I won’t credit them for furthering my “redistribution of wealth agenda” to help other countries and make America an equal partner in making the world a better place for everyone.
HEALTHCARE:
Dear Diary. Gruber was right. Americans are too stupid to figure out the truth about Obamacare (I gotta admit, I love the name). Good thing they didn’t catch on to my scam before the law was passed. (Forest Gump was right: “Stupid is as stupid does.”) When millions of poor and unemployed citizens, along with millions of illegals, flood into the healthcare system, everybody pays more. It’s the American way.
It’s gettin’ hard to find time (in between my golf and my vacations) to hit the campaign trail and promote my health care exchanges that funnel citizens into Medicaid. But, on a positive note, long wait times in Medicaid clinics give sick people lotsa time to text friends and play games on their Obamaphones.
I gotta make sure everybody understands the efficiency of computerized medical records and six-minute office visits with foreign-trained doctors or nurse practitioners. And what about those generic drugs from China? Practically free for everybody... except those high-upkeep old folks. Oh well, no problem there. Bootin’ them out of the system redistributes millions of dollars and creates a whole bunch of shovel-ready jobs!
(Photo: Courtesy of Author)
ENTITLEMENTS:
Dear Diary. My food stamp program has expanded on target. The price tag of $78 billion taxpayer dollars isn’t a problem, even though middle class folks are grumbling about higher taxes and 30-hour work weeks. I’m tellin’ ’um to sign up for welfare, disability, and child care subsidy programs so my government can help pay their bills. No problem paying for additional entitlements. The Fed’ll just print more money.
I’m also thinkin’ it’s the right of all Americans (and foreign-born who come across our borders) to receive college educations, even if most of ’um don’t graduate. If everybody applied for college education loans, that might create a financial bubble -- but maybe not. Graduates could come to work for me in government jobs or, if they got the skills, become Starbucks baristas.
RACIAL TENSIONS:
Dear Diary. Rev. Al Sharpton is doin’ a bang-up job of keeping racial injustice in the minds of all Americans. Sharpton has convinced me it’s a positive move to protect the New Black Panthers, the military arm of the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People), even when they instigate riots that cause looting and burning down Ferguson. They’re calling attention to the inequality of opportunity for my black brothers and sisters. CNN and MSNBC are on the job and covering events 24/7. But if the right-wing media continues to harp about “rampant criminality” in the black community, and bring up the black-on-black murder toll in Chicago, I’ll just repeat the truth: “It’s those rascal teens just doing their thing in the ’hood.”
EDUCATION:
Dear Diary. I got a big speech planned for the teachers’ union. Need to praise ’um for keepin’ kids safe and off the streets by warehousing ’um in failing schools.
It’s no big deal that American students, internationally, rank 25th in math, 17th in science, and 14th in reading.
If the disadvantaged and uneducated youth survive their teen years and become unemployable adults, they can sign up and become career soldiers in my civilian militia.
ILLEGAL ALIENS:
Dear Diary. It’s patriotic for American taxpayers to cover the cost of education and healthcare for everyone who qualifies for my amnesty program. Even if it costs over $1 trillion a year. No problem. I’ll shift dollars saved from the defense and VA healthcare budgets. And here’s a real plus: If my travel and school records ever see the light of day and reveal my Indonesian citizenship, it won’t be a problem. I’ll be protected under my own amnesty executive order.
BEAUCRATIC ISSUES:
Dear Diary.
Veteran Healthcare issues are a pain in the neck. Until I figure out how to blame Bush, or somebody else, I’m tellin’ my media lapdogs to lay off. I’ll stick with my bonus policy for managers who keep false records that delay, deny, and allow vets to die. Besides, like I said, vets oughta’ pay for their own healthcare since they volunteered. I’m just sayin’.
My National Security Agency (NSA) is doin’ a good job of capturing citizen telephone calls and emails. Like Valerie says, this makes it easy to find my enemies (like Tea Party people and seniors) so I can round ’um up in case of a national emergency (which I can create at any time).
The IRS continues to thwart activities of my political opposition. But there’s a little glitch: Lois Lerner’s uncovered emails. I gotta pass the word along that if she writes a “tell all” book, she’ll pay for it in a special place that offers three hots and a cot (prison).
(Photo: Courtesy of Author)
The DOJ (Department of Justice) and Eric Holder are gettin’ to be as unpopular as me. Ob-Seuss-ed citizens don’t trust him. Just the other day Valerie showed me a petition that said:
Go away Holder, “Thug-I-Am.”
We don’t like your radical talk and racial flim-flam.
Take your memory loss, lies, and hatred and scram, scram, scram.
We don’t trust Holder, “Thug-I-Am.”
Maybe I gotta take him off my list of potential Supreme Court nominees. Hillary might like the job since she’s probably not gonna become the Democrat’s presidential candidate.
FOREIGN POLICY:
Dear Diary. Hillary refuses to fall on her sword and take me off the hook for the Benghazi coverup, or the failure of the Russian reset, or abandonment of Poland’s missile defense system, or friendly overtures to Palestine terrorists, or throwing Israel under the bus, or destabilizing Libya and Egypt. Obviously Princess Pantsuit is strugglin’ to win public approval. I got a feelin’ somebody’s gonna leak damaging information to Americans who don’t like Obamacare. Just wait ’til they get a taste of Hillarycare... Gestapo-lite.
My current Secretary of State, that doofus John Kerry, continues to follow my orders and demand easing sanctions against Iran. He’s gonna organize a very private welcome-to-the-nuclear-club party for the Ayatollahs. I’ve ordered him to continue yak, yak, yaking about my policies that embolden Muslim terrorists as they seize greater control of the Mid-East. That Massachusetts dinosaur turned out to be the perfect choice to replace Hillary at the State Department.
SINK LIBERTY:
(Photo: Courtesy of Author)
Dear Diary. I need to beef up my inner circle and add more liberal twits who always agree with me since Moochelle, Valerie and Susan Rice have lost their credibility. I gotta include more Muslim Brotherhood pals, members, commies, socialists, union leaders and Chicago sewer fighters who walk the walk and talk the Saul Alinsky rules that keep America on track for fundamental transformation.
It’s time for me to pull the plug on liberty once and for all. I’m gonna order my inner circle to draft up executive orders that make all gun ownership illegal, politically incorrect speech a federal crime, and allow me to seize control of the internet. I’ll adopt the green agenda 100% and launch Cap ’n Trade to force more backbreaking taxes on middle class citizens who breathe, own small businesses and farm animals... especially farting cows.
* * * * * * * * * *
(Photo: Courtesy of Author)
So, dear reader, ask yourself:
Are we the stupid Sam-I-Ams?
A-OK with Barry’s scams?
Will we relinquish freedom’s last stand?
And bid adieu to Uncle Sam?
(Photo: Courtesy of Author)
Or, Will We-the-People heed the words of Abraham Lincoln?
He meant what he said,
And said what he meant,
America is liberty’s last best hope... 100%.
P.S. Want a little more snark in your day? DAILY RANTS are available on Molli’s website, along with a FREE download of her quick-read book, “Uncle SCAM Wants Your Money and Your Country.” Use her humor to initiate conversations with the less-aware people in your universe. Entertain, then enlighten with the truth about our need to wake up, wise up, stand up, speak out, and push back to fundamentally UN-transform Obama’s America.
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