Women won the ‘war on marriage’ — now they miss the spoils

If feminists were honest revolutionaries, they would change their slogan from “Smash the Patriarchy” to “Mission Accomplished.” The numbers don’t lie. Single women own more homes than single men. More women are primary breadwinners than ever before. The gender balance on college campuses has completely changed over the past six decades. Women earned 35% of Bachelor’s degrees in 1960. Today, they earn close to 60%. Even the norms on sex have changed. Magazines like Teen Vogueand sex-positive feminist outlets will write in defense of “sex work” but would never publish a modesty manifesto urging women to be more “ladylike.”

Despite the “pay inequality” propaganda the left weaponizes to make women see themselves as victims, the truth is that the sisterhood has been victorious. The problem is that women's triumph has come at the cost of the one thing they want most: a family.

Plenty of men aren’t hostile to working women — they’re just not interested in marrying women who act like the job comes first.

Megyn Kelly recently highlighted a growing tension on the right: Young conservative women struggle to find marriage-minded men. The former Fox News anchor said many right-wing men avoid marrying women with careers. According to Kelly, these men see professional ambition as a threat to traditional family life. She warned this mindset could marginalize outspoken conservative women in high-profile jobs.

This debate cuts to the core of the right’s broader conversation about rebuilding the family. I’ve spent years researching marriage trends, and the concerns these women voice reflect real dilemmas. But the men aren't speaking nonsense, either. Many believe that career-driven women will inevitably choose ambition over family. They want wives who share their priorities — not women chasing a different future.

Recent data from the Pew Research Center backs this up. Just 43% of Republican women say society benefits when people prioritize marriage and children. That’s nearly 10 points lower than Republican men. Meanwhile, women are more likely than men to say careers make life fulfilling — 74% compared to 69%.

Men put more weight on family. Twenty-eight percent of Republican men say marriage is extremely or very important to a fulfilling life, compared to only 18% of women. When asked about children, 29% of men agreed, seven points higher than their female counterparts.

Some men may oppose working women on principle, but most simply want wives who put family ahead of career — especially during their children’s early years. Yes, many households need two incomes to get by. But the right’s current debates over gender, marriage, and fertility go far beyond money.

The word “economics” comes from the Greek "oikonomia," meaning household management. The home was never meant to be a holding cell. It was supposed to serve as the engine of spiritual, social, educational, and economic life.

Feminists like Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan rejected that idea. They framed the home as a prison, a place where women played “hostess” and “housekeeper” under the thumb of domineering husbands.

That mindset reshaped the culture. The most successful front in the gender wars wasn’t about breaking glass ceilings — it was about “liberating” women from any perceived duty to their husbands, children, or homes.

This obviously isn’t to say women don’t contribute at home. In most families, they’re the ones making sure meals get made, appointments get kept, and the kids show up to practice. But these actions aren’t framed as public obligations. No one shames a woman who misses the mark. There is no social penalty for opting out.

Meanwhile, the standards for men remain clear and unforgiving. For all the upheaval American families have seen in the past 50 years, society still expects men to provide and protect. A man who fails to support his family financially gets branded a “deadbeat.” A man who ducks behind his wife during a street altercation becomes a viral punchline.

Nothing comparable exists for women. Some suggest nurturing and supporting the family are equal expectations, but society rarely defines what those look like. Why? Because the feminist movement made it taboo to speak as if women must do anything in particular to be considered a good wife and mother.

That silence creates an imbalance in the home — an asymmetry that underlies not just policy debates on maternity leave but cultural arguments over “trad” lifestyles and modern family roles.

Society lectures men about duty and responsibility. It tells women about rights and freedom. When a father sacrifices for his family, he earns praise. When a mother does the same, she gets told to prioritize self-care — because a “whole” woman supposedly makes a better parent.

Even when women abandon their families, the media often wraps the story in the language of empowerment. A woman who leaves a decent husband and young kids to drink Chardonnay on Wednesdays and sweat through Bikram yoga on Thursdays won’t be condemned. She’ll be celebrated. Outlets will rush to reframe the desertion as a stunning and brave act of self-discovery. We can’t fix the American family without confronting sex differences. The political right burns energy on gender identity while ignoring a more urgent problem: how men and women function differently at home.

Plenty of successful men marry high-earning women. But no culture teaches that women should support both a grown man and their children. That’s why women tend to seek partners who earn more. U.S. Census data backs this up: Female physicians often marry within their profession. Male doctors, on the other hand, marry nurses and teachers.

Conservative women misunderstand the men they complain about. Most aren’t hostile to women in the workforce. They’re just not interested in marrying women who treat the job as their top priority. They want a wife who puts family first — because they do.

Even those who claim women can “have it all” admit they can’t have it all at once. You can’t spend 70 hours a week at the office and be as present for your children as a stay-at-home mother.

Men make that trade-off because we’re expected to provide. That’s why we don’t gripe when mom gets the first hug at graduation. But every career-driven woman who outsources her maternal role needs to answer one hard question: Is she comfortable with the nanny getting that moment instead?