This is what a ‘biblical worldview’ gets you

The videos leaked to the press this week with testimony from several of Donald Trump’s attorneys will make for devastating Democratic ads next year if Trump is the Republican nominee for president. And it doesn’t matter one bit whether or not I think these prosecutions are legitimate. (I don’t.) I tried to tell you this a few weeks ago when too many others either ignored the truth or told you the opposite.

If you think they're handing out plea agreements to alleged co-conspirators because they gave prosecutors nothing, then you might be too dumb to vote. Or you've not watched even one episode of “CSI,” “Judge Judy,” or literally any cop or court show that's ever aired. “Night Court” was an Algonquin roundtable compared to what a lot of Americans believe. Because it was always going to turn out like this. People were never going to go to prison for Donald Trump.

Trump won't pay their legal bills, but they are supposed to do time for him? Who is taking that deal? Nobody. Meanwhile, the people you see on social media walking on rusty nails for Trump are all getting paid to do that. You’d think if the primary were truly over, as Trump Inc. repeatedly claims, that instead of spending $25 million to attack Ron DeSantis, you’d spend that money paying the legal bills for people before they turn on you.

Far be it for me, though, to tell a billionaire how to spend his money. I’m not a billionaire and will never be one. The closest I’ll ever come to such rich people problems will be nostalgically rewatching “Brewster’s Millions.” However, I do know a thing or two about a biblical worldview. That’s my show’s prime directive. That’s my life’s work and my ethical and intellectual plumb line.

Which brings me to House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.), who also claims a biblical worldview.

Truth is vastly worse than fiction when you’re aligned with a party that hates its own base more than its alleged competition.

Johnson is trying hard to sell out the country with this immoral budget that Democrats couldn’t wait to vote for. I never thought I’d say this, but we’d be better off at this point with soulless technocrat Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) than Johnson’s upside-down version of a biblical worldview. Because now we get all the same failures plus the blowback that comes with being too Jesus-y. Awesome!

So, in effect, McCarthy was the late-term abortion “ban” from the George W. Bush years that didn’t actually ban any abortions, and Johnson is your #ProLife license plate. Come get your slogan; wear it proud, as meaningless as it is. Absolutely nothing has changed in our political landscape since Trump won in 2016, despite all the time we’ve wasted claiming otherwise. The cake is still baked the same. The Trump-era GOP’s frosting is just zanier.

The Trump-era GOP still negotiates against itself, just as it did in the pre-Trump years. Johnson may know more Bible verses than the chain-smoking John Boehner and CrossFitting Paul Ryan, but when you open up the Republican Party hymnal, the song remains the same.

But hey, Johnson endorsed Trump for president and declared Trump had “the best economy in the history of the world” on TV this week, so the speaker has his fire insurance. He’s painted Trump’s logo over his door; thus the angel of accountability will now pass over his cushy corner office in the Rayburn Building. For Speaker Mike spoke Trump’s name, and it has been credited to him as righteousness.

Never mind that Johnson is enforcing a budget endorsed by Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) and will fund every demonic doctrine the Democrats genuflect to. As it says in 2 Self-Righteous 6:666: “You do you, bruh.”

In all seriousness, this is the most GOP thing ever. Take on all the backlash of having its national face declare his allegiance to a biblical worldview to a Romans 1 culture, but then get none of the actual blessings of applying that same biblical worldview. It’s just like when Republicans voted more than 50 times to repeal Obamacare in the minority, then refused to repeal the failed legislation when voters gave them the power to do so, only to get annihilated by those same voters in the next election when health care was the top issue.

You can’t make this stuff up, and you don’t have to.

Truth is vastly worse than fiction when you’re aligned with a party that hates its own base more than its alleged competition. And since this loveless marriage has permitted our enemies to desecrate every institution that made and sustained this once-exceptional country, we might as well go ahead and add “biblical worldview” to that long train of abuses while we’re at it.