'Weekend at Biden's'? Sleepy Joe ready for his Hollywood close-up

He’s ready for his close-up!

Departing President Joe Biden spent four years hiding his still-unidentified cognitive decline. He had plenty of help, from duplicitous journalists to an inner circle insisting he was “sharp as a tack.”

Stars like Chappell Roan, Lady Gaga, Shakira, Alicia Keys, and host Trevor Noah reminded us they voted for the candidate who couldn’t handle a three-hour Joe Rogan chat.

You’d think the former president would spend his remaining days with friends and loved ones. Turns out he’s got one last trick up his sleeve.

Biden just signed with Creative Artists Agency, one of Hollywood’s premiere talent agencies. Biden could be thinking book deals and speaking engagements. Maybe he’ll drop by “Squid Games” or one of Taylor Sheridan’s many TV dramas.

Or, he might fulfill the dreams of countless social media denizens. That “Weekend at Bernie’s” reboot isn’t going to cast itself ...

'Kiss' off

Jenny from the Block’s 2025 is looking a lot like her 2024.

Jennifer Lopez’s marriage to Ben Affleck (pour one out for Bennifer) ended last year, and she had to suspend her concert tour due to slow ticket sales.

Now, her starring role in a “Kiss of the Spider Woman” movie musical is drawing blank stares on the Hollywood circuit. The film debuted to tepid reviews at the just-wrapped Sundance Film Festival, and no one is lining up to acquire the film for a 2025 release.

That J-Lo magic may be in decline. Or, Hollywood still isn’t sure what to do with movie musicals. “Wicked” Hoovered up all the money last year, while “Joker: Folie a Deux” proved a supersized dud. And the Netflix musical “Emilia Perez” went from surefire Oscar contender to a title Netflix suits hope will go away.

Maybe lyrics like, “Man to woman or woman to man? Man to woman, from penis to vagina,” just aren’t music to many people’s ears ...

Off-key

Was it something they said?

Ratings for Sunday’s Grammy Awards cratered 9% from its 2024 addition. The annual gala draws plenty of eyeballs, putting the spotlight on clever collaborations, covers, and other goodies for music fans.

This year, the focus shifted to, what else, the Resistance 2.0. And some viewers said, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Stars like Chappell Roan, Lady Gaga, Shakira, Alicia Keys, and host Trevor Noah reminded us they voted for the candidate who couldn’t handle a three-hour Joe Rogan chat.

The ratings reflected that hard truth.

Awards show producers know lecture-filled shows yield smaller audiences. The stars keep spouting off all the same.

In recent years, the awards show scene has dialed back on the politics. Even the Jimmy Kimmel-led Oscars did just that, despite the host’s hard-left politics.

Sunday’s Grammys showcase was a return to, in the grand “Young Frankenstein” tradition, Abby Normal ...

Full Stiller

Never go full Ben Stiller.

The actor/director is a whiz on both sides of the camera. If you haven’t seen his director gem, the miniseries “Escape at Dannemora,” you should. His latest project, Apple TV’s “Severance,” is a critical and commercial darling.

He’s less adept, sadly, at political activism. Remember his cringeworthy quotes as part of the White Dudes for Harris campaign?

“[Kamala Harris is] also a historic candidate. ... It’s going to be the first woman president, and that’s incredibly exciting. She’s Indian, she’s black, she’s everything. You can be more than one thing, it’s incredible.”

Now, Stiller is pushing the obvious lie that X mogul Elon Musk gave a Nazi salute at President Donald Trump's inaugural festivities. He told far-left podcaster Kara Swisher that he’s no fan of the Tesla founder.

“I know he really likes 'Tropic Thunder.' Great. Good for him. But after the Nazi salute — the double Nazi salute — I’m just not into it. Never was into it.”

This week, Musk appeared alongside Presidents Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu.

Worst. Nazi. Ever ...

Bullet time

Filmmakers can’t stop making stories about lovable, wacky, misunderstood hit men. Think “Bullet Train,” “The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” and its sequel, “Hit Man,” with Glen Powell. “John Wick.” “Asher.” “Polar.” “Anna.” “Kate.”

That’s a partial list. And it’s about to get longer.

Next up? “Old Guy” with Christoph Waltz. The two-time Oscar winner plays an aging hit man training a new kid on the killing block. Awww.

“The Hit Man’s Bodyguard” alum Samuel L. Jackson is back on the beat. His untitled hit man thriller finds him working alongside his nephew (Daveed Diggs), but if things go south, he might have to eliminate him.

The same industry that lectures us about, well, everything, has no moral qualms making us root for paid assassins.