Self-defense for women: How not to be a target

As a ninth-degree black belt, Diane Reeve Kirby is prepared to make any man who attacks her regret it. But she has no illusions about how far her 35 years of training will take her. "Typically a man is going to be bigger and stronger than a woman. And that's just a fact we have to live with," Kirby says.

Likewise, women taking classes at Kirby's Action Self-Defense are quickly disabused of any Scarlett Johansson butt-kicking fantasies they may harbor.

"What I teach is a one-shot deal," Kirby tells me as we sit in the kitchen of her Plano, Texas, home, not far from the school. "Disable, destroy, and you're out of there. Because if they can't see you, if they can't breathe, if they can't walk, you don't have a problem."

Self-Defense Tips for Womenyoutu.be

While Kirby's techniques are effective, she would prefer that they never have to be used in the first place. "Prevention is always better. And I tell my students in the classes that 90% of self-defense is not being selected as a target in the first place."

"It's all a matter of developing some habits that are pretty simple," Kirby continues. "But they're things that some women just don't think about."

Kirby calls these the Five Certain-Ts:

1. Trust Your Instincts

Kirby says women need to trust their gut, even if it means overcoming societal conditioning to be "nice."

"'Be nice.' 'Little girls are nice.' And you know what I tell them? You throw that right out the window. You don't have to be nice to anybody except your parents, and that's it, and everybody else has to earn that."

Many women need help reconnecting with this primal instinct.

"I ask them to close their eyes and remember the last time that they had a feeling of unease or being anxious about something, and I ask them to think about what their body tells them. Some people clench their jaws, some people have the hair on the back of their neck stand up, some people [feel it] in their stomach."

That physiological response can tell you when you need to exit a situation before your brain even has time to process it.

2. Be a Tough Target

According to Kirby, simply projecting confidence can deter a would-be predator. If you pass someone, look him in the eye.

"Some women are very shy and they're very hesitant and they think that if they keep their head down and pretend that nothing's gonna hurt them, then they're gonna be okay," says Kirby. "And it's actually kind of the opposite."

And don't text or otherwise get distracted by your phone.

Kirby advises maintaining a steady gait, neither too fast nor too slow, while remaining aware of your surroundings. "It's what I call 'head on a swivel': not paranoid, but just casually looking around."

3. Think Ahead

When you're going from point A to point B, have a plan. Kirby uses the example of leaving the school and heading to her car in the parking lot.

"I know where somebody could hide, and I'm watching [those places]. I know that if there's a car in the parking lot, somebody could be on the other side. If I see that a van is parked next to me, I'm not getting in that car on the driver's side."

In general, think of possible contingencies and how you'll respond, says Kirby. "If this happens, then I'm going back in. If this happens, then I'm going to get to the car."

4. Take Action

This could be as simple as walking into an open business establishment or crossing the street.

Kirby also suggests a tip she got from a Plano police officer. If something doesn't feel right, call officers at the nonemergency police line and ask them if they'd mind having a patrol car swing past.

"There's nothing like a squad car coming down the street to kind of eliminate a lot of meanness."

5. Be Tenacious

While it's possible to reduce your chances of being targeted, there's no guarantee. "Anybody can be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

In a worst-case scenario, you have to go all in. "You can't give up," says Kirby. "You can't stop fighting." Kirby calls this quality indomitable spirit, and she says it's the number-one quality candidates for a black belt need to demonstrate before she'll promote them.

Be ready to fight anytime, anywhere. "A bad guy's not going to jump you when you're fresh out of bed and walking down the street. They're going to jump you when you've just run three miles or you've just biked 20 miles."

After our talk, Kirby took me to her backyard dojo, where we were joined by her husband, Tim Kirby, himself a highly accomplished martial artist. Together, they demonstrated some basic moves even a beginner can use on an attacker:

Self-defense demo by Diane Reeve Kirbywww.youtube.com