Clooney flatlines Biden, prescribes Kamala cure

Get excited! George Clooney is on Team Kamala.

The heartthrob threw his support behind Vice President Harris just days after throwing President Joe Biden under the presidential motorcade. So much throwing. Great for the shoulders, but he better bend at the knees. You’re not a kid any more, George.

Clooney knew Biden’s obvious dementia could complicate the leader’s campaign, but he only spoke out following Biden’s disastrous debate performance.

What. A. Patriot.

Now he wants us to know that the candidate who flamed out in epic fashion four years ago is the best candidate possible. Maybe ever. Clooney is a master at make-believe, but those skills stretch only so far …

Kamala chameleons

We’ve had three-plus years of comedians avoiding the word salad spinner in chief.

Vice presidents don’t always offer comic gold to satirists, but there are exceptions. Comics mocked Mike Pence’s uber-square persona. Dan Quayle got hammered for his infamous “potatoe” spelling gaffe. Dick Cheney’s hunting accident wasn’t the only time late-night wags pounced and seized on the crusty VP.

Harris? Zero, zilch, nada. Looks like the usual past-their-prime-timers have chosen to focus on what their job can be (savior of democracy), unburdened by what it has been (overpaid court jester).

And expect that wall of silence to extend to November. Except when comedians are promoting her campaign, like “Jimmy Kimmel Live” fill-in Lamorne Morris did this week.

The “New Girl” alum praised potential first man Douglas Emhoff as a “stud” while admitting that Harris will need all the help she can get to top Trump come November.

“She gonna need the help of every single god she can get, okay. I’m talking Yahweh, you got Allah, you need Jesus, Oprah, all the big gods,” he quipped.

To paraphrase Robert Plant, “Does anybody remember laughter?”

Worse than waterboarding

Jack Bauer is back. But will we even recognize him?

A new “24” film is in development, although it’s unclear whether Kiefer Sutherland will reprise his role as the relentless hero. In fact, we know very little about the project other than it is yet more proof that beloved IPs never die in Hollywood. They just get rebooted until audience eyerolls hit warp speed.

Will Jack resemble the hero we knew and loved for eight consecutive seasons? He can’t torture terrorists to glean valuable clues any more. Too problematic. The terrorists will have to be Patriot Front members, not Islamic Jihadists. And can our hero save America without having a difficult conversation about systemic racism?

Let’s hope “24” gets stuck in development hell ….

Stone crazy

Sharon Stone’s giving America one last chance.

The “Casino” star is threatening to leave the country should Donald Trump retake the White House this November.

“This is one of the first times in my life that I’ve actually seen anyone running for office on a platform of hate and oppression.”

Guess that means she thought Trump’s 2016 run was marked by sunshine and rainbows. That’s hopeful, right?

There’s a reason celebrities make this vow every four years (and never go through with it). Two, actually. One, it guarantees fawning media attention — not with Align, but everywhere else. Two, it’s a “hire me” placard in plain sight. “See? I think just like you do! Now can I get a bit part in the next season of 'Bridgerton'? Please?”

Talk about giving in to your basic instinct!

Gass bag

Jack Black took plenty of heat after his bandmate publicly proclaimed his grim birthday wish: that the next would-be shooter would take Trump out for good.

Tenacious D’s Kyle Gass expressed that hope at a Sydney concert less than a day after a 20-year-old man shot and nearly killed Trump at a Butler, Pennsylvania, rally.

Black didn’t raise a ruckus on stage, but he swiftly shared an Instagram apology with meat on its bones. The “School of Rock” star canceled the rest of the band’s current tour and said he’d be taking a creative break.

Gass shared his own mea culpa on Instagram ... only to later delete it.

What a total "D."