Boob tube bloviators bail on barmy Biden

Late-night comedians returned to work this week knowing their lies had finally caught up with them.

Colbert. Fallon. Meyers. Stewart. They all admitted President Joe Biden’s mental failings are no longer “cheap fakes” but stone-cold truths. They had no other choice following the June 27 debate.

Hollywood stars can no longer afford to insult half the country. Streamers are feeling the economic pinch. The Biden economy is crushing film and TV crews in LA (and beyond).

And boy, was it delicious to behold. Not necessarily funny, of course. They gave up that ghost a while ago.

Stephen Colbert opened his monologue by pretending to take a stiff drink. Then he got down to business — i.e. dismantling his spin from three-plus years.

“I don’t know what’s going on in Joe Biden’s mind, something I apparently have in common with Joe Biden.”

“Biden debated as well as Abe Lincoln ... if you dug him up right now.”

Jon Stewart teed off on both the president and his administration.

“For a campaign based on honesty and decency, the spin about the debate appears to be blatant bulls***, and the redemption tour hasn’t gone that much better.”

Seth Meyers, the nakedly partisan “Saturday Night Live” alum, pulled most of his punches. He sounded more like an MSNBC pundit than a comedian, but that’s par for the “Late Night” course.

He seemed madder about Biden staying in the race than a media landscape that hid the truth from the country.

“If you truly believe American democracy is at stake, and it is, then you have to act like it ... you can’t claim to be the last bulwark against fascism, and also have a more-sleep plan. If you think this is serious, you need to act like it’s serious.”

Perhaps if Team Late Night had spoken truth to power a few months, or even years, earlier, this train wreck could have been avoided.

Michael Moore decries Biden 'elder abuse'

We’re living in crazy times. That’s certifiable. Need more proof? Michael Moore is a voice of reason on the Biden front.

The far-left filmmaker, who hasn’t made a film of consequence in eons, is aghast at how Democrats are treating President Biden. He called shoving Biden onto the June 27 debate stage “the cruelest form of elder abuse I’ve ever been forced to watch.”

Here's a pitch: Crusading documentarian starts knocking on doors to get some answers from current Democratic National Committee chair Jaime Harrison. Call it ... "Jaime & Me"? Hey — we'd watch it.

Minnie mopes

Minnie Driver didn’t get the memo, apparently.

Hollywood stars can no longer afford to insult half the country. Streamers are feeling the economic pinch. The Biden economy is crushing film and TV crews in L.A. (and beyond). Stars like Charlamagne tha God and Dwayne Johnson have retracted their past political endorsements. Even awards shows have cut back on the partisan lectures (the recent BET awards notwithstanding).

Tell that to the “Good Will Hunting” actress. She just tore into Trump supporters as if it were 2017 all over again.

She recently blasted MAGA nation, describing its fans as “70 million people who really quite like a bit of a racist attitude and non-existent immigration policies and dismantling the environmental agencies.”

Oh.

She also said she’d never live in a red state but feels safer in Los Angeles. She might be the only soul who finds that hellscape preferable to Heartland, USA.

She later praised her native Great Britain for being more open to debate and conversation than the U.S. Of course, if you label half of a country “racist,” it makes conversations a wee bit harder.

Rogan's gains

“Jokes, folks. Just jokes.”

That's how Joe Rogan teased his upcoming Netflix comedy special, “Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats," which the streaming giant will broadcast live August 3.

Rogan has every reason to be in a laughing mood.

Just a few years ago, the Austin-based comic's contrarian COVID-19 views sparked furious efforts to crush his Spotify podcast. Aging rock stars lobbied for his removal from the service while news outlets erroneously dubbed a medication he used to recover from the virus as “horse de-wormer.” (In fact, ivermectin has been so effective at treating parasitic infections in humans that its two creators were awarded the Nobel Prize in 2015.)

Since then, Rogan's been racking up the wins. He’s re-upped his lucrative Spotify contract, expanded his reach across YouTube, iTunes, and other platforms, and created a free speech comedy mecca in Austin, Texas.

Maybe his special could use an opening act. We hear Neil Young's available.